Monday Music No.23 – When You Don’t Feel Beautiful

Today I’m going to do something a little different. This past weekend I had a chance to dig deep into some past mistakes that I had held onto and I had exiled into the dark corners of my mind. They didn’t creep up often and I had built a wall in front of them, but they had grown tentacles over and around the wall that I didn’t notice and were affecting other areas of my life. It was just slow and quiet. They affected my outlook on myself, my family and my life more than I thought. I needed Jesus.

Today, let’s take a more non-worship Christian rock song and pull it apart and look at some parallels to the process I found healing and restorative. Those hidden mistakes and sins want to tell you lies, but we need to see what Jesus sees.

The song is by NEEDTOBREATHE and it’s called “Something Beautiful.” Let’s pull it apart together. Maybe you’ll resonate with this too. [lyrics will be in italics and my thoughts will follow each section]

Disclaimer: I haven’t researched what NEEDTOBREATHE meant by these lyrics. These are my thoughts and impressions alone.

In your ocean, I’m ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin’ on my feet
It’s like I know where I need to be
But I can’t figure out, yeah I can’t figure out
Have you ever sensed God moving in your life and encouraging you to do, say or change something? You hear Him speaking through friends, whispers, gut-feelings, reading scripture or even big doors swinging open before you. I definitely have. When they’re good, I usually run after them, but if they’re scary things or things that may hurt to bring up, I’ll just shut them out. I can’t figure out what to do with them.
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There’s only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown
This past weekend, when I began to consider walking deeper into faith, deeper into what God had in store for me, deeper into where I felt Him leading, I was scared. Freaked out. Letting out these concerns that I had never shared before, would God catch me? Would His promise be secure? Would my wife still continue to love me and would she forgive me? Would verbalizing them drown me and make it worse? This is why I had not said anything for so long.
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, oh, ohh something beautiful
When I finally surrendered to God’s leading, I asked that He would take those ugly, dirty things and make them beautiful. I prayed deeply that He would lead me to restoration and fullness in His lovely light of forgiveness and to give my wife the same heart for me. I went down on my knees in repentance and turned back to God and asked not to take these things away, but to remove them from behind the wall that was causing me such internal stress. Help me to see myself as beautiful, the way Jesus sees me.
Would I continue to see myself as someone who has removed the first two chapters of the Bible? Someone who only sees the sin and the challenges of God’s creation? To live with shame and worry? That’s not God’s intention. He loves us. I want to live knowing the true original state in which God created us: Beautiful, Good, In HIS image, perfect.
Genesis 2:27,28,31

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

And the water is risin’ quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side, no I can’t leave your side
When we fall into the arms of Jesus, the Spirit wraps us up and moves quickly through our hearts. At least, that’s how it happens to me. It’s amazing when you let go and lay it completely in Jesus’ hands. I just had to do something at that point. I knew I couldn’t leave His side and this is where you need other Christians to be God’s hands and feet for you, to lean on, to pray for you and to guide in through it with God’s help. Staying right at the side of the Father. It’s scary and it’s transformational.
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, oh, ohh something beautiful
Oh, oh, ohh something beautiful
In a daydream, I couldn’t live like this
I wouldn’t stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, and all I want I have
You know I still won’t have what I need
This has to be based in reality. In true movement and growth. For years I pretended that I was working through it in my own heart and mind and things would be fine. They wouldn’t be and weren’t. When I trusted God and poured out in love and honesty and truth to my wife, I found something even more beautiful than I had ever imagined or experienced in 10 years of marriage. It was incredible and only because I trusted that God wanted something bigger, something better, something more beautiful that I could create or conjure up. I needed more of Him. More of how He created me. More of His image.
Something beautiful
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, oh, ohh something beautiful
Oh, oh, ohh something beautiful
God made you beautiful and He doesn’t love you in spite of the sin you’ve committed. He loves the best and most beautiful part of you. The way He created you from the beginning. The “VERY GOOD” part when He described His creation in Genesis.
Your Father in Heaven wants ALL of you. Every part. He wants to heal and transform you. He doesn’t look upon you with a scolding face and an “I told you so” look in his eye. He wants you. He wants you to see the beauty and strength HE SEES IN YOU. And sometimes that takes us, going into those dark places, walking them out, hand in hand, into the light of truth and grace, so His glory can shine on them. It’s not easy, but it’s worth the journey. I’m praying for you. Feel free to message me if you’re entering this journey and you’d like someone to listen to encourage or just pray. God is good. You are good in His eyes. You’re beautiful.
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